I heard this phrase years ago. Or at least the first way I thought of it as something more than face value. It was a statement that my classmates in high school would make to someone they felt like might purchase alcohol for them. A stranger going in and out of a gas station or grocery store that looked like he might be willing to do such a thing and sometimes for a price. Apparently there are rules that go along with this depending on the situation.
Well, I was never involved in a “Hey man, what’s up” when I was underage. Throughout the years I’ve been asked a few times to be the buyer and always refused. I’m not in the mood to get a ticket/go to jail for a bunch of strangers that felt I looked shady/desperate/lonely enough to put my neck on the line. Screw you guys, go get an older sibling.
Well today I set a record with being asked twice. Somehow the combination of Memorial Day and my Cthulhu shirt convinced two groups of kiddos to ask me to buy them alcohol. Each one had a different way to approach me but neither worked. Then I put a cigarette out in one of their eyes. I’m joking, gosh.
So attempt # 1! Tattooed teens needing beer! It was about noon-thirty and I was buying breakfast sausage and bacon bits from the local grocery store. (Another Breakfast Dagwood attempt tonight, didn’t work well.) As I walked outside there were three guys hanging out on a car in the fire lane and one approached me with the question. Lots of “Dude” “Be cool” and a “School just got out.”
Two more guys and an L. D. Bell sticker and you’ll get the idea.
After I refused there was plenty of cussing and I was informed I’m “uncool.” My career is over.
Damn.
So this evening on my way to work I was in need of a fine soda from QT. (Summer prices are back! Ten cents more for styrafoam cups!) Well I stopped at the one just down the street by my work which tends to have a lot more people hanging out at it than the one by my apartment. Of course the one by my apartment is one block away from the police station so that may have something to do with it. I got my Coke and as I was heading out I was stopped by an attractive young lady asking if I could purchase some fine liquors for her and her friends. She pointed to a car on one side of the parking lot which had a couple of other attractive young girls standing outside.
I’ve been to bars before and I’ve seen this several times. The girl was working it good and in a few years she’ll be getting her fair share of free drinks until her figure goes or she wakes with child. But, I was not going to fall for it and I got in my car and drove to this place of shame known as work…
This was what I saw as I drove off.
As I drove away I saw her running to a car on the other side of the parking lot. A car filled with FIVE TEENAGE BOYS!!! And when they drove off there was a hook wearing a class ring hanging from their door knob!
I guess in the end I have realized I look like a depressed vagrant willing to buy alcohol for todays youth. This is why I need to carry my cat around with me. “Let me ask Johnny 5 before I buy you anything.” “Hiss” “Sorry, kids but you get nothing!”
schlitzilla 