12/26 Scandomness

VHS + clamshell case + Wrestling = I miss the 1980s!

VHS + clamshell case + Wrestling = I miss the 1980s!

I love my King Caesar action figure!

I love my King Caesar action figure!

gwarcard

How did this get made?

How did this get made?

My late '80s Christmas, I miss that weird thing I was wearing.

My late ’80s Christmas, I miss that weird thing I was wearing.

calender

 

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My White Christmas in Texas

Well it’s Christmas here in Fort Worth Texas and it snowed.  Facebook  is now littered with pictures of lightly dusted lawns and cars with tags of OMG and WTF.  Hell, I did it too.

Our lighters are all frozen, how will we smoke!!!

Our lighters are all frozen, how will we smoke!!!

Up on the top lefthand corner of the Thunder/Heat game it says Winter Storm Warning.  And the cats are all pissy and ready for this other cat to be taken to the shelter since her old owner just abandoned her.

Hank:  "All I want for Christmas is her ass out of here."

Hank: “All I want for Christmas is her ass out of here.”

And topping my Christmas Tree is the Creature from the Black Lagoon.

"Merry Christmas to all!  And I'll kill you if you come to the Amazon!!!"

“Merry Christmas to all! And I’ll kill you if you come to the Amazon!!!”

In a few hours I get to leave for work for a magical half day shift that will help me test my winter driving skills at 2:00 a.m.  If my replacement doesn’t call in.

I’ve opened no presents, I haven’t see any family.  Today has been me, my cats and sleep.  Just a normal Tuesday except Netflix was off when I wanted to watch The Avengers cartoon this morning. 

But don’t worry for me, it’s just how my life is right now.  My Christmas just will be two days later than everyone else’s.  My parents will be in town and upset how dirty my apartment is.  I could clean it with my extra 4 hours off but the neighbors don’t like me vacuuming at 3 in the morning.  Thursday will be my day of family and festivities.

So until then I’ll keep myself happy with visions of Hulks dancing in my head.

Hulks-SantaVariants-ff

 

SantaHulks

 

Merry Christmas everyone!

Fancy Pizza Cutting

I found these instructions online:

20121219-comic-how-to-cut-a-pizza

Then I realized I often eat Tony’s Pizzas  which are now square.

top-original

 

What to do?  Well I damn well better try something!!!

I've been home from work for 30 minutes and this is happening.

I’ve been home from work for 30 minutes and this is happening.

 

Why do I own this tiny pan?

tinypan 001

tinypan 002

I guess for cooking onions for just two sandwiches.  I also need to clean my stove.

 

Christmas in Superhero Land.

Christmas is days away and for us normal folks that means last minute shopping, wrapping presents and keeping the cats out of the Christmas tree.  But if you’re a Superhero Christmas means one thing:  Fighting Santa.

"Tony Stark has been really naughty this year!  And drunk!"

“Tony Stark has been really naughty this year! And drunk!”

No super powers or armor?  Jonah Hex just shoots Santas!  He knows they’re not bulletproof!

Every Mall Santa's Nightmare...   Nuns and children.

Every Mall Santa’s Nightmare… Nuns and children.

 

Sometime Mall Santas can fight back, just ask the Hulk!

Years of Hulk vs Santa requests have finally paid off.

Years of Hulk vs Santa requests have finally paid off.

If you find yourself fighting a Mall Santa make sure you steal his fake beard and hat and procede to taunt him.

IncredibleHulk378p17

 

I know the pain of a stolen Santa beard.

 

mesanta

 

Well, in the end the Hulk and Santa make up and the Hulk ended up going home with a juggy cougar.

I wasn't lying.

I wasn’t lying.

 

I love mayonnaise!

I DO!!!

I DO!!!

But not this much…

Good Lord!  Someone owns a Mayo Cannon!

Good Lord! Someone owns a Mayo Cannon!

Don’t use the drive thru at Subway.  Near closing time.  Or ever.  Go inside or go to Jack in the Box.  Or Beefers.

Do Beefers even exist anymore?  I remember going to the one down by the mall that they tore down.  We’d screw with the C.B. club that went there on Thursday nights.  I think it was Thursday.  And my friend traded a girl’s phone # for some free food.  Hang on a second…

Ok, Yahoo and Google can’t answer my question.  Damn you internet!!!

Love’s musical post part 8

September 11th, 2001.  A day we all will remember.

And the first time I ever sang karaoke.

My last long term relationship had fallen apart and I had bounced around a few places after moving out.  I was staying in a strange apartment used more for sleep than anything else.  Heck, I had to use a fold out couch for my bed because the room was so small that a normal bed wouldn’t fit.  I was working at Albertson’s  at the time and a few nights a week as a bouncer at a crummy dive bar with no cute patrons.

The night before I was sent home early from the bar.  Since I had the next day off I went to downtown Fort Worth because I knew some friends were at a club.  A club that was FOUR CLUBS IN ONE!!!  We closed down three of those four clubs and I went home expecting to sleep well into the afternoon.  That didn’t happen.

For some reason I woke up early and turned on the radio.  Sports Radio 1310 the Ticket, but they weren’t talking sports.  They were talking about how a small one to two person plane had hit one of the Twin Towers.  Well, that’s not what had really happened and we all know the rest of that story.  As for my story…

I went and gave blood that day and then gathered up a few friends.  And found out where my ex was going to be that night.  When you’re young it’s really easy to convince yourself you can get them back.  Especially when you’re lacking blood and had a few beers.

So we ended up at a bar that was known for cars getting broken into and the cops harassing the patrons as they left.  For karaoke night.  You can see where this is going can’t you…  I was sure I could get her back with a well sung tune on this emotional day and she and I would get married and live happily ever after.

I guess I picked the wrong song.

Or it was the fact I really sucked at singing it.

Oh well, life went on.  She married the guy she was there with and I never got to slash his tires.  Dern it.  But I did move out of that apartment shortly after and embarked on another dumb part of my life.

So what song that could have tipped the balance for me did I horribly butcher?  Why One by Three Dog Night!  Here you go: