The Cenobite that the other Cenobites made fun of…

Speaking of Clive Barker I blocked out most of the Hellraiser movies after the first two.  Well I blocked them out for a reason.  Ladies and gentlemen I give to you from Hellraiser III: Hell on Earth…

THE CD CENOBITE!!!

THE CD CENOBITE!!!

I hope those are Ace of Base CDs.  Yes, the CD Cenobite received many a leather wedgie and never kept his lunch money for long!  This was just the third movie so you can see why I started blocking them out. 

But at least Hellraiser III gave us Lemmy playing Pinhead at cards!

 

I want this Decker shirt dernit!

Tax return time!  Even though I’m getting a lot less than I should I’m at least getting some money back.  So instead of complaining about my job I’ll complain about something else.

Tax return time means replacing the clothing that I’ve wore out in the past year.  So I need tee shirts.  And I’m a Nightbreed fan.  I get online to find the one I had my eye on with Decker on the front.  Guess what, they’re sold out and discontinued!  Being a Nightbreed fan is so hard!.!.!  

This was the shirt...

This was the shirt…

Decker was the serial killer/psychotherapist played by David Cronenberg in the movie.  Yes, that David Cronenberg.  One of my favorite villians in one of my favorite movies and books since Nightbreed is based off of Clive Barker’s story Cabal. 

deckerdeathdance

Well, at least the website Fright Rags lets you send a request to have them bring a shirt back.  So I’m requesting dammit!  Or I guess I could search the internet for another place that might have a Decker shirt.  Or silkscreen one myself.  Ow, that gives me a headache.  Maybe I should just get a huge back tattoo of this:

deckerstabby

 

Boris Karloff eats what I eat.

The internet is amazing.  Thank God I didn’t have it during my childhood or I would have never seen the sun.  I would’ve spent days searching for stuff like this:

boriskarloffguacamole

Of course he probably didn’t have the Tex-Mex that I grew up on.  Suddenly I want drive through Alvarado’s and watch Frankstein.

"Bring me back some rolled tacos for my guacamole or I'll pour this tea down your trousers."

“Bring me back some rolled tacos for my guacamole or I’ll pour this tea down your trousers.”

 

The two reminded me of each other 2

"I have your scarf and I've taken it to Germany."

“I have your scarf and I’ve taken it to Germany.”

Keystone Light and Snakes:  a winning combination.

Keystone Light and Snakes: a winning combination.

Boy, we sure had some fun times back in the day!  Didn’t we Bleached Blonde Mike?

Par-Tay!!!

Par-Tay!!!

 

I still have issues…

About 8 years ago I started writing a bad sketch comedy called “The Adventures of Count Dracula and Mike.”  just because some drunk high schoolers we met in a parking lot didn’t understand what I was saying.

Bleh, bleh...  I'm a vampire.  Bleh...  I mean TOO MUCH SODIUM!!!  AAAHHH!!!

Bleh, bleh… I’m a vampire. Bleh… I mean TOO MUCH SODIUM!!! AAAHHH!!!

These adventures had to do with my future roommate and Count Dracula sharing a one bedroom apartment and getting on each others’ nerves.  Then I had to move in with him and it became real life.  Ouch.

So I started doing sketches for a comic that would feature our terrible life together.  Within a few weeks of me moving in he found his ex-girlfriend on some hippy porno website which inspired me to have his computer be an acting character.  It was going to taunt us with things it found online that it knew would upset us.  Yeah, this was when Myspace was starting to pick up.  Screw you Friendster, Myspace 4ever!

In the end I never did anything more than a few pages of drawings and some notes on a story called “Bigfoot Took My Beer, What an Ass!”  Last week I did find  one of those pages and scanned it for you to point and laugh at its crappiness.  Enjoy:

mattmikecomic

 

 

Hot chips 2: Lays Spicy Ketchup

spicyketchup

I’ve never been a big fan of ketchup.  Yes, I probably have over 100 packages of ketchup right now in my kitchen and I’ve been poor enough to make ketchup soup but it sure isn’t a staple of my diet.  Wait a second…

Ignore the strap and the stains, the low battery warning was rushing me...

Ignore the strap and the stains, the low battery warning was rushing me…

So my roommate does have ketchup.  I have no idea why, all he eats is fast food, frozen pizza and bacon and eggs.  Anywho, back to the chips.

With me all you have to do is add the word spicy to anything and I’m willing to try it.  Spicy tacos, spicy mayo, spicy peanuts, spicy milk, you name it I’ll give it a shot.  We’ll I gave these a shot and that’s all they’re getting from me.  The ketchup flavor was too overwhelming for me and there was not enough heat.  So I attacked these chips with leftover ranch dressing from my salad that night.  Then I gave up and wished I had a better job.

I guess if you love ketchup and wish it were crunchier these would be the chips for you.  Even with the ranch I didn’t finish the bag and threw the rest away.  Actually with the ranch it tasted like the sauce that would appear randomly on Jack in the Box Burgers in the mid ’90s.  You know what I’m talking about…

Andre the Giant waiting for Hulk Hogan…

Andre the Giant is a nice guy right?  I’m mean, we’ve all seen Princess Bride.  He seems jovial and quite the gentle giant we would all love to befriend.  But then he gets angry…

andresmacktalk

Whoa, I’d be scared if Andre was saying that about me.  He’s a mountain of a man.  And he’s waiting on Hulk Hogan’s car right now!!!  

andreruinsyourcar

But the Hulkster has a plan.  He has a disguise!  Andre will never suspect that Hulk Hogan is dressed as…

thunderlips

Oh crap, it didn’t work!

hoganandre1

And then the truth came out…

hoganandre2

Good night America!