Things I’ve Written Crazy Dave.

I send random messages to Crazy Dave all the time.  Usually trying to break his spirit or make him question his sexuality.  But Dave has either thick skin or a short memory so I haven’t succeeded in doing either.

"Listen to these words, Dave, for your life is useless.  And my tongue drives you to madness!"

“Listen to these words, Dave, for your life is useless. And my tongue drives you to madness!”


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On March 31st I had this live chat on Facebook.





  • Matt


    Our internet is off

  • Dave




Crazy Dave throwing a stick at me.




I wasn’t lying.

Photoshop from 2000+3

I was in a band once, I swear!!!

Look at that awesome screen! Thank you Ozzphestapawarped Tour!!!

That was an amazing magical time…

I’m gonna rock these fuses STRAIGHT TO HELL!

Wow, my undies is showing…

And then this happened. 

What is happening?

What is sad all of these are better Photoshopped than what I can do today.

One last Crazy Dave from that period of time…

You should see his rims!



Crazy Dave gets eaten.

My dealings with fake blood.

Bands, Halloween, Zombie Crawls…  these all need fake blood.  I’ve dealt with homemade and store bought and throwing random ketchup on myself.  The mint flavored type from the magic store tends to be my favorite but you tend to use and swallow too much.  Then the guy from the club gets pissed about the mess you made in the bathroom.  Here’s some exciting pictures:

A fountain of flavor!

Yeah, would’ve been mad too. We were pretty messy.

I’ve come to do you’re taxes!

This proves I have problems

Yes, even Crazy Dave fears my blood.

And this is what happens when to combine homemade fake blood with a bad make up job.

Corey, the lead singer in that last picture,  said:  “It looks like you shoved your head up an elephant’s butt.”

Thank God I’m not in my 20s anymore.



The Breakfast Dagwood.

Last night for lunch I threw together some random breakfast items on a sandwich not really thinking about what I was shooting for.  Eggs, bacon, ham, sausage, cheese, some jalapenos and spicy mayo all on a couple of white sub rolls.  Wait, Hot & Spicy Mayo.

Yes, that's my calendar.

Wrapped in foil, taken to work, thrown into the microwave then straight to my mouth.  Then something happened.  A taste, a familiar taste that brought back memories of late night Denny’s with my roommate and Crazy Dave… 

A single tear is rolling down my cheek.

That’s right, the Breakfast Dagwood.  Denny’s greatest sanwich.  THAT IS NOT FREAKIN’ AVAILABLE ANYMORE!!! 

Okay, I need to calm down.  Years later with a bit of perspective maybe this sandwich was just the perfect “after bar” meal.  Add seasoned fries and ask for a tub of ranch dressing and watch Dave ash randomly.  Maybe it’s the perfect thing to soak up the “Claude Simpsons” we had down at the Black Dog.  Maybe if I had eaten one at noon it wouldn’t have knockeed my socks off.  Maybe.

no, No, NO, NO, NO!!!

The Breakfast Dagwood was the most AWESOME sandwich ever!  And someone on Youtube shares my love.  Kinda.