Make your own Subway sandwich. Baby.

Hi.  My name’s Matt and I like food.  I also eat at Subway sometimes.  I also have Godzilla tattoos.  Combine the two.

godzillasubway

Ok that’s out of the way.  For years I was never a big Subway fan.  I usually only ate there because I would go to visit friends that worked there.  If I wanted a sandwich I didn’t make myself I went to Schlotzky’s.  Then I’d buy the veggie sandwich that was the size of a normal human’s head.  (But much smaller than mine.)

Well about 3 years ago my roommate asked me if I wanted to go with him to Subway.  I said yes and when we got to the counter I panicked because I had no clothes on and it was the day of the big test.  Actually it was because I didn’t know what I wanted.  But there, on the menu, I saw the words Black Forest Ham and Salami. THE ITALIAN B.M.T.!

After two bites I realized I could make the same dern thing at home and not have to deal with the facial tattoos and bad attitudes.  Here we go!

First buy multipple food products from several stores.

First buy multiple food products from several stores.

Kroger has a ton of their own brand of salad dressings.  I’m addicted to the one I used on this sanwich and the Three Cheese Ranch.  2 for $3!

I've spilled some on a white shirt.  Not fun.

I’ve spilled some on a white shirt. Not fun.

And then Hank showed up to help me.

"I'll eat anything you fool!  This sandwich will be mine!"

“I’ll eat anything you fool! This sandwich will be mine!”

Then, like Subway, I found out the sandwich was too short.

I then rubbed the tape measure all over it and threw everything at Hank.

I then rubbed the tape measure all over it and threw everything at Hank.

Actually the sandwich was really good and has become a part of my lunch rotation for work.  Now I can get these pictures off my desktop.

McD’s or somesuch…

My roommate works for McDonalds.  I used to work at McDonalds.  McDonalds haunts my life and dreams…

I wish these were the current prices.  With any burger place.

I wish these were the current prices. With any burger place.  And the Root Beer is Delightful…

When they final opened a McDonalds in my home town they briefly had a sale where you could get one hamburger for a quarter.  Limit 10.  I spent $2.50 + tax multiple times.  Life was good.

Guess who'll be sleeping under your bed from now on.

Guess who’ll be sleeping under your bed from now on.

Ronald sure as heck can be scary.  And could eat your soul.

"Children are just McNuggets to me!  Where's my dipping sauce?!?"

“Children are just McNuggets to me! Where’s my dipping sauce?!?”

Employees hunger for flesh as well…

mcbrains...  mcbrains...

mcbrains… mcbrains…

But one good thing about McDonalds is they will add bacon to anything!

I so need Ranch dressing with this!

I so need Ranch dressing with this!

Of course half the time I go there I want to  be like this:

"What?!?  The shake machine is down?!?  Talk to the hand."

“What?!? The shake machine is down?!?
Talk to the hand.”

I need a new career…

I’ve been thinking about finding a new job.  My current one has issues and I’m getting burned out on the whole overnight thing.  So I went through my qualifications and made a brief list of jobs that would be best for me.

1. Makeovers for nerdy girls.

2. Muderous Swampman

3. Suspicious Taco Shell Creator

4. Professional Shoe Warrior (not licensed by the State)

5. High School Bully from the 1950s

I used Bing to find out more about these jobs and all appear lower paying than my current job.  But the Murderous Swampmen have great benefits.

 

I hate my tummy.

I had Del Taco for the second time last week, breakfast time again.  I’m not gonna have the bacon and egg quesadilla ever again.  Just stick with the steak and egg burritos but that’s a rant for another time.  The bigger thing is that I went inside and got to experience their salsa bar.

Now I’m wanting to drive thru Del Taco after work tomorrow morning… Stupid tempting adds!!!

While waiting for my food to be prepared I decided to fill up a few plastic containers with the Del Inferno salsa.  Imagine that, me getting the hottest sauce available.  Of course I got extra because I was sure as Hell was gonna use it.

The next day I began preparing my lunch for the evening.  Digging through my cupboard (or kitchen closet, or… whatever) I decided to deal with the Canned Chicken Fiasco of 2012.  Yeah, I know it’s never really over but this was the last can I had at the time.  It was time to marinate everything at once!

Yes, leftover mushrooms, excess Ro*Tel, the last few sliced jalapenos in the open jar plus the juice.  Added the chicken and the Del Inferno sauce, stabbed like crazy with a fork and went to bed.  As the midday sun tried to burn its way through my curtains into my eyes the flavors combined!!!  Then as darkness came I awoke and threw it all into a pan!  HAHAHA!!!

My eyes are burning!

And I bet you can guess what came next…

Mild?!? What’s wrong with me?

Then I heard a whispering from the Gods of Fast Food.  Taco Bell was unhappy with me so I needed to add one more ingredient to placate these fickle dieties.

Oh yes I did.

I have problems and it did taste good.  Someday my love of spicy foods will catch up with me.  Actually it already has.

 

Jack in the Box coupons are awesome.

I love coupons.  My cats love coupons.  Coupons are an important part of my eating.  Nom, nom, nom. 

And I love Jack in the Box.  Kinda.  Let’s just say it’s my favorite fast food place.  Sometimes the two combine and I end up ordering this:

I'm gonna lie to myself and say that this is what it really looks like.

Yeah, the BLT Cheeseburger.  Last week I used the BOGO coupon for my first taste of this facinating sandwich.  That’s right two for the price of one.  And I was underwhelmed.  Of course the register didn’t have any $5 bills and I payed with a $20 and the manager’s key didn’t work and other stuff happened.  So I got two burgers that had been nicely chilled in the center by the vegetables.

Well tonight is take two since I’ve got a Buy a Large Coke get a Free BLT Cheeseburger coupon!  Now, here’s the tricky part:  I’m ordering this before work and will eat it for lunch 4 hours after purchase.  The old fast food reheat, which is really hit or miss.  I’ve found that Jack in the Box’s sourdough sandwiches tend to stand up the best in the old work microwave but regular buns don’t.  Oh, and no lettuce so no side salads in the microwave.

So tonight, along with my leftover burrito and jalapeno kettle chips, I’ll be enjoying a free BLT Cheeseburger.  And a $2.50 Coke.  And Marrying Bacon.

www.marrybacon.com