Why Return to Schlitzilla?

So why did I jump back on to my Schlitzilla blog while having over 7 years of sobriety? Wouldn’t that be some sort of precursor to a relapse? Doesn’t it make it seem like I’m embracing my alcoholic past? Should I warn the local Alcoholics Anonymous?

I guess to explain my thinking in the longest most roundabout way I need to start at the beginning – the name Schlitzilla. You see, back in the mid 90s instead of blogging most people that wanted to threaten/entertain people with their writing took to publishing “zines” and handing them out at shows or sticking them at the local record store or slipping them into the newspaper vending box outside of Denny’s.

Hey! This thing is filled with crudely drawn dinosaurs!

All it took was some time, effort and a visit to Kinko’s then lots of staples and you had your own zine! Back then mine was called “Hail SatinZine!” and I used it primarily for bad comics using religious pamphlets and inside jokes. Well the first issue had started out with a comic explaining “The Creation of Schiltzilla” and thankfully I don’t have any copies to embarrass myself with but basically imagine Godzilla with a can of Schlitz for his head done in this art style:

Look at that finely detailed skull and the greatest fonts Windows 95 had to offer!

Back when my drinking days began and I was able to choose my own cheap beer to obsess over Schlitz became my beer. Yeah, I had friends that enjoyed their Miller High Life or Milwaukee’s Best but Schlitz was the one that became known as Matt’s beer. And one of my childhood nicknames was Mattzilla so it kinda transitioned to the name of this here blog.

Who knew that this guy would end up being an alcoholic?

Around this time the interweb started growing and my first accounts all used Schiltzilla in their names. Yes, schlitzilla@hotmail.com was once a thing. But being involved in bands, especially ones that were more into theatrics, meant I needed a more complicated persona than someone that drank one type of beer then stomped on the cans. So the alcoholic nicknames began: Matt Fink von Schlitz, Dr Drinkenstein, the Creature from the Beer Lagoon, H.P. Lushcraft, and the one that stuck around the longest: Count Drunkula.

And apparently became a villain in DC comics.

So for years I was known as Count Drunkula. The other nicknames were pushed to the back but since Schlitzilla was still my email address that name stuck around as the internet and social media grew. It was used on Yahoo Groups then Friendster then Myspace then Facebook and so many other websites in between. By the 2000s I didn’t think of myself as Schlitzilla, it was just an email address. I did not associate the name with drinking, it was just something unique that no one else seemed to use.

Meanwhile: Count Drunkula could not be stopped!

As time progressed so did my drinking career. My DWIs are a story for another day but as the state of Texas became more involved in my life I decided the name Schlitzilla wouldn’t be good to have kicking around on my contact information. Also my Hotmail account had been hacked, my Myspace band page had been turned into a gay prawn site and Yahoo Groups was pretty much dead. By the time I really started working on this blog I was on probation and was really trying to hide my drinking from anyone of authority. And it didn’t work.

Let’s skip over the rehab, the relapse and the AA meetings. In 2017 I hit my lowest point in sobriety, rebounded and then my dad had a stroke. By the next year I was caregiver for both my parents and dealing with both of them having some level of dementia. I stayed sober, I tried to stay positive and then in 2019 I had a horrible ending to a relationship, my cat Johnny 5 passed away and Crazy Dave, my long time friend and musical collaborator, committed suicide. I stayed sober, I fought through it, I started getting into the scene in Central Texas where I lived now. I even accidentally played bass poorly in front of people that were shocked and/or horrified.

The flyer was magic, the show not so much.

Then 2020 happened, the world ground to a halt except for all my parents’ doctors appointments. And things got ugly. Suddenly I had friends spouting off QANON rhetoric, many people I had known for years seemed to completely change who they were and social media became a battleground that I wanted nothing to do with. So I got rid of my long time Facebook profile, which happened to be linked to my last Schlitzilla email address.

I returned to Facebook on a different account after about 6 months on a much smaller scale. I kept my friends around 50 for awhile then slowly expanded but I’m never going back to the level I was at before. The world sure hasn’t calmed down yet. Facebook though is limited in how I can share my long, rambling thoughts. I like the format here on WordPress and so I’ve come back to deal with this itch that I’ve had for a few months.

So dang itchy!

So I came back here. Schlitzilla is not a trigger for me and my old blogs need to kick around quite a bit longer. While there are several stories about friends and pets that I have lost since writing them I feel that I am far enough along in my sobriety that those memories won’t push me over the edge. Also there’s just too much good stuff on here to bury. I mean, good Lord, I talk about Breakfast Dagwoods on here!

It still calls me in my dreams…

I’m embracing parts of my past, I’ll be talking plenty about my present and there will be more to come in the future. Welcome back to schlitzilla.com where I’ll combine horror, humor and hunger into awkward thoughts to share with you. Oh, and music!!!

Did I make JPop?

Bad Photo Edits

I have MS Paint and some spare time.

Insert Dateline sound here.

Come on down for unique ketchup packets!

Never ever get lost in these woods!

Please contact your local park ranger if either of these things are spotted.

Can I add music?

Some random pop thing I did with no vocals.

Ooh… I can. After paying a subscription. But this opens up a lot of wackiness!

Godzilla vs My Asthmatic Lungs

Right smack dab in the middle of the Eighties one of the greatest movies of my childhood was released: Godzilla 1985!

Starring Perry Mason as Raymond Burr as Non-Comedic Steve Martin

And with a new movie coming out in theaters that meant that toys were soon available at my local Kay Bee Toys! Crammed in between the discounted Clash of the Titans action figures and the Dragonriders of the Styx were a big old pile of Toho licensed playthings produced by infamous toy makers Imperial!

Forsooth! This large, green fire breathing beast has not the wings nor the saddle for me to ride!

Imperial Toys produced a lot of dinosaur and dragon figures that fit in size wise with He-Man toys and were great for smashing together to reenact my vision of what violence would occur during the Mesozoic Era. They typically had no points of articulation and apparently had quite a bit of lead in the paint that was used on them. Maybe that’s why the weird two headed dragon I had smelled like Smurf Berry Crunch.

The word “Smurf” was pretty interchangeable so maybe we were eating Lead Berries in the ’80s. Reaganomics!

Now, Imperial did make some pretty fancy Godzilla toys for the time. With 5 points of articulation (arms, legs, and tail) and actual dorsal spines that resembled the ones from the movies these were the most authentic looking Godzilla toys available at that time. And the 12 inch Godzilla was perfect for fighting Hot Wheels sized tanks and other military vehicles.

These were the Godzillas of my youth.

Imperial made a few other types of toys: bubble blowers, bop bags, sparky things, etc. But for a kid like me, the end all be all was to own something BIG and the biggest Godzilla toy was 6 feet tall and inflatable!

After years on Tumblr this image of choking disturbs me.

And on Christmas of 1985 I received this amazing giant and had tons of plans on how I was going to use this beast to terrorize all my other toys!

Fortunately my hair protected me from any severe Kaiju related injuries.

As awesome as this toy was I immediately ran into issues. First it was too big to actually play with other toys. My random boxes and building blocks didn’t stack up to this giant brute, my army men disappeared under a single foot and I didn’t have anything that could possibly compete size wise with the King of the Monsters. Yeah, I had some Transformers that kinda fit to scale but Omega Supreme really was better suited tussling with the 12″ Godzilla. Also with its size it was very hard to store anywhere without deflating it which leads us to the second problem… INFLATION!

As a young child I had asthma and allergies so blowing up something like a pool float could be difficult for me. I grew out of it so if you need something inflated just come by. Anywho, back in the mid ’80s it took a lot of effort for me to get the Big G up to his full size so he could threaten my parents’ coffee table. And like anything a 9 year old boy gets his hands on Godzilla got smashed into many a piece of furniture and that lead to holes. I think my mom patched him up for me like three times and then the final battle occurred…

Godzilla met the ceiling fan. Right in the noggin. He didn’t even make it to Easter. I folded him up, put him in a box and at some point that box got tossed out. Probably before the 1990s began. 12″ Godzilla took the reins and Micro Machines were thoroughly stomped on. And I learned my lesson: Be careful how big your toys.

This fellow is big enough for my current needs.

I like music and The Thing (1982)

My awkward musical creations have continued even after all the wackiness in my life. At some point I need to go through my musical history since my long weird pause on here. But for now I’m going to share with you my tribute to the films of John Carpenter:

I’m back!!!

Maybe. Hopefully. My mind has been running and my fingers need to be typing. After a few random posts over the past almost 8 years I decided to try and start up my blogging again. And following multiple fun adventure that included me getting sober and becoming my parents’ caregiver I feel like I’ve got quite a bit to talk about. And, yes, food Godzilla and music are still very important to me.

Dinosaurs are still awesome!